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Rocky Mountain Oysters:
Expanding on the List of Organ Meats
By Jim Earles
Serious readers of Wise Traditions may have noticed at some
point that one form of organ meat has yet to be addressed--testicles.
This is in some ways a groundbreaking article. . . a first mention of
the topic within this forum and perhaps the first time anywhere that
testicles will be considered as a source of valuable nutrition rather
than something eaten as a drunken test of manhood!
I should say right up front that I have never eaten testicles myself,
although I would certainly give it a try should the opportunity present
itself. Therefore, I have approached this subject as a scholarly pursuit
lacking in personal experience, completely ignorant of the nuances that
characterize
the world of testicle cuisine!
A DISH OF MANY NAMES
The first thing that I learned was that there are numerous different
terms for the cuisine in question, many of which might offend those
of more Victorian manners! "Rocky Mountain oysters" is perhaps
the most common name (generally for bull testicles), but these are also
sometimes referred to as "cowboy caviar," "swinging
beef," "bollocks" and "animelles," which
is French for testicles. The term "fry" is often used as
well, with the animal of origin being mentioned first--e.g., "bull
fry," "pig fry," "lamb fry," etc.
The second thing I learned in my searching of the internet is that
the prime website for information of this nature is http://www.funlinked.com/testicle/,
which is maintained by Mary Ann Christie. Time and again I would see
Christie’s website referenced elsewhere, and it is indeed a treasure-trove
of information, recipes and sometimes off-color humor befitting to the
subject. I learned from this site that the word "testicle"
comes from the Latin word for "witness," due to the Roman
custom of allowing only men to testify in legal cases. There was a downside
to this privilege, because the penalty for perjury was castration.
MISSING INFORMATION
The third thing, which quickly became apparent, was that virtually
no one has ever bothered to research the nutritional value of animal
testicles. Christie’s site gave no information on this subject
but, after searching high and low, I was finally able to find a macronutrient
profile available on the University of Missouri--Columbia Extension
website. (Of course, I was not really interested in the macronutrients
so much as other factors…but it’s the best I could find!)
This website reports that research was published in The Journal
of the American Oil Chemists Society, 1965, (Vol. 42, page 540)
and in Lipid Metabolism of Animals Journal, 1977 showing that
100 grams of raw hog or cattle testicles contain the following: 3 grams
fat, 375 mg cholesterol, 26 grams protein, 1 gram carbohydrate and 135
calories. This website also mentioned that the USDA was slated to do
further nutritional research on the matter in September of 1993, but
I was unable to find any evidence of whether or not this actually happened.
Since no real evidence seems to exist on the subject, one might reasonably
speculate that testicles contain those same elements which are necessary
for reproductive health--vitamins A, D and B6, zinc, amd the fatty
acids EPA and DHA. In the absence of much solid information, one may
choose to take it on faith that testicles are a nourishing food (just
as other organ meats), or seek out other sources of information to clarify
the matter. If you choose the latter option, I wish you more luck than
I had!
WILD PARTIES
Now, for those with an inclination to try testicles for the first time,
there are two options--try fixing them yourself or go to a Testicle
Festival! According to Christie’s website, there are a number
of these festivals. Probably the largest and most popular one is the
yearly Rock Creek Lodge Testicle Festival, held in Clinton, Montana.
For a $10 general admission fee, one may indulge in all manner of testicle
cuisine. The 2005 Festival was held September 15-19 and was open only
to adults, 21 and over. (Be warned--I visited the website for this
event and it seems to have the atmosphere of a pornographic drunken
fraternity party. You may get to try some testicles, but it is far from
being a celebration of nourishing foods! If you aren’t looking
for this sort of experience, it’s definitely better to stay home
and try out some of the following recipes in your own kitchen!)
Other testicle festivals (of unknown levels of debauchery) listed on
Christie’s website include Bottlescrew Bill’s Testicle Festival
in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, the Annual Turkey Testicle Festival in
Byron, Illinois, the Fromberg Festival of Testicles near Billings, Montana,
the Mission Mountain Testicle Festival in Charlo, Montana, the Nut and
Gut Feed, 90 miles from Havre, Montana, the Ryegate Testicle Festival
in Ryegate, Montana, the Go Nuts Testicle Festival about 20 miles from
Helena, Montana, the Calf Fry Festival in Vinita, Oklahoma and the testicle
festival at the Cass County Fairgrounds in Weeping
Water, Nebraska.
FOR HOME COOKS
For those who choose to prepare testicles at home, two things are necessary--a
recipe and a source of the raw materials! All of the recipes given here
were found on the above-mentioned website maintained by Mary Ann Christie.
The tricky part is obtaining the testicles. I found websites that ship
frozen testicles, but some of them only offer batter-dipped testicles
(in batter of unknown quality) and none of them could provide any information
as to the manner in which the animals were raised. Since I myself would
not buy meat of unknown origin and quality over the internet, I have
omitted any information on these shipping companies.
A better avenue might be to speak to one’s local WAPF chapter,
a sensible farmer or a supplier of quality meats and see whether a suitable
arrangement can be made for fresh testicles. Once the testicles have
been obtained, then you’re off and running with these recipes,
adapted from those at http://www.funlinked.com/testicle/.
ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS
Serves 4
2 pounds bull testicles (lamb/sheep, calf or turkey testicles can
also be used)
1 cup unbleached white flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup red wine
salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste
Louisiana Hot Sauce
lard
Using a sharp knife, split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds
each "oyster." You can remove the skin more easily if the
"oysters" are frozen and then peeled while thawing. Set
into a pan with enough salt water to cover them for one hour, to remove
some of the blood, and drain.
Transfer to large pot. Add enough water to float the "oysters"
and a generous tablespoon of vinegar. Parboil, drain and rinse. Let
cool and slice each "oyster" into 1/4 inch thick ovals.
Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of sliced "oyster"
to taste.
Mix flour, cornmeal and some garlic powder to taste in a bowl. Roll
each slice into this dry mixture. Dip into milk. Dip into dry mixture.
Dip into wine quickly (repeat the procedure for a thicker crust). Place
into hot cooking oil. Add Louisiana Hot Sauce to cooking oil (it’ll
sizzle some, so be careful!). Cook until golden brown or tender, and
remove with a strainer (the longer they cook, the tougher they get).
LAMB FRY
Serves a crowd
2 dozen lambs fry (testicles)
1 cup chopped ham and bacon
1 clove garlic
bay leaf, herbs and spices
3 ounces butter
unbleached white flour
homemade stock (chicken or beef)
Prepare fry for recipe by blanching and stripping outer membrane off.
Pat dry and cut into thin slices. Lard each piece with bacon and ham,
and roll it in chopped herbs and a pinch of pounded spice. Dip it in
flour and braise in good stock, to which add three ounces of butter,
some bits of bacon, ham, a bay leaf, herbs, and a clove of garlic with
two cuts. Cook until the fry is well glazed over, and serve.
DONBALAAN (Persian Lamb Testicles)
Serves 4
4 sheep testicles
2 medium eggs
1 cup sourdough bread crumbs
lard
1 bunch parsley
salt and black pepper
Wash testicles and cut length-wise along the middle. Remove the skin
and cut each part length-wise into two slices. Sprinkle some salt and
black pepper on both sides of each slice.
Add salt and black pepper to eggs and beat well. Dip each slice on
both sides in bread crumbs, then in eggs, and again in bread crumbs.
Fry each slice in pre-heated lard on one side for a few minutes until
color changes, Turn over and fry on the other side, again until color
changes. Serve with washed and cut parsley.
GOAT TESTICLE STEW
Serves 10-12
8 - 10 pairs of goat testicles
salted water
1 large chopped onion
2 cups celery, chopped
several chili peppers, seeded and chopped
Boil the testicles in natural saltwater. Throw onions, chili peppers
and celery in the in the pot. Let it boil for approximately 1 1/2 hours.
Serve with mashed potatoes.
KOKORETSI (Greek recipe)
Serves 8-10
1 sheep liver
1 lung
2 hearts
2 spleens
2 testicles
intestines salt, pepper, oregano
olive oil
Turn the intestines inside out and wash them carefully in hot water.
Turn them back again (outside in). Cut the internal organs into small
pieces and wash them carefully as well. Put salt, pepper, oregano on
them and put them on a large steel skewer in the following order: liver,
spleen, heart, lung, testicles. Repeat until all the pieces are skewered.
Pin one end of the intestine to the skewer and wind the intestine around
the skewer. If the intestine is too short, take another one and tie
it to the first one, and continue to wind. Put salt, pepper, oregano
and oil on the kokoretsi and bake it in low heat for 2 - 2 1/2 hours.
Serve hot together with other meat dishes and a salad.
PENIS STEW
This recipe is taken from The Two Fat Ladies, Full Throttle
by Clarissa Dickson and Jennifer Paterson (New York, Clarkson Potter,
c1998, page 101). The ladies say this was originally a Jewish recipe
from Marcelle Thomal. Innards, including penis, once played a major
role in Jewish cooking.
1 pound of penis of ram or bull
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 large chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
1 teaspoon coriander seeds, crushed
1 teaspoon saltfreshly ground black pepper
Scald the penis, then drain and clean--it doesn’t say exactly
how to clean a penis. Place in a saucepan, cover with cold water, and
bring to a boil. Remove any scum, then simmer for 10 minutes. Drain
and slice.
Heat the oil in a large skillet. Add the onion, garlic and coriander
and fry until the onion is golden. Add the penis slices and fry on both
sides for a few minutes. Stir in the remaining ingredients with a good
grinding of pepper, add enough water to cover, and bring to a boil.
Lower the heat, cover, and simmer for about 2 hours, or until tender.
Add a little water from time to time if necessary to prevent burning.
ARGENTINE TESTICLES
In my thirties I lived in Argentina and was married to a student
veterinarian. We didn’t have much money, and he happened
to have discovered an easy way to make extra cash. He did castrations.
He castrated anything for 15 dollars--dog, horse, cow, pig,
rat, etc., etc. Inevitably, the testicles arrived in the kitchen
in a limp plastic bag and usually partially covered in grass and
dirt. These he used to fry up in the frying pan and season with
onions and garlic for dinner. I can’t say it was my favourite
dish; or even that I ever tried any species other than horse,
calf, old horse, and old cow (bull). They ranged in flavor depending
upon the age of the animal, which one could clearly see by the
size. The easier castrations, younger and more docile animals,
were tastier; but I always felt convinced that my husband preferred
the more enormous testicles from older stallions and bulls as
there was definitely more work involved in the castration and
a greater sense of accomplishment once achieved. He’d insist
on eating them always; they were never thrown away even though
occasionally tough and intense in flavor. I can’t say that
he ate them for reasons of machismo; it seemed to me more like
a sense of thrift and even as homage to the animal; more in commiseration
for its loss, than in the sense of enhancing one’s own virility.
--Liz Pitfield
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About the Author
Jim Earles is a Kundalini Yoga teacher and occasional
contributor to Wise Traditions. He may be e-mailed at yogaspectrum@yahoo.com.
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